I Picked a Bad Night to Watch the News

I never watch the news. I sometimes read about it. There’s just too much to keep up with.

This past Friday I spent the night with my parents after my dad had a stint in the hospital. My brother used to live in Memphis, we have friends there, and the city is on the verge of something big as police body cam footage is about to be released. My mind has been filled with frustrating, sad, angry, and confusing thoughts.

It’s Holocaust Memorial Day, and the only positive news story I see is of a successful play about Holocaust survivors. But even that is only good news about bad news that must be remembered.

But there’s a tiredness to everything. What lessons have we learned? That same night, news of a shooting at a synagogue, that was a response to a shooting of Palestinians.

The home attack of the spouse of a House Speaker.

School shootings in schools where nothing was done.

And the killing of a man by five police officers in Memphis.

I picked the worst night to watch the news.

Nothing feels safe. Nothing feels stable. Nothing feels right.

It all keeps swirling around as the same experience in my head tonight as I sit with my parents, befuddled.

Why does this keep happening? Why did this happen this time? Who is responsible? What will be done to them? How do we keep it from happening again?

And these questions as being asked of everything. All the pain. All the violence. All the history repeating itself.

I’m tired of hearing over and over again of a few bad apples. What are we putting in the basket?

Where was the good news tonight?

Lord come quickly.

A New Year, New Blog Goals

Last week, I published a satire article in Slackjaw: “I Thought I Would Give You A Call While Doing Every Obnoxiously Interruptive Thing I Can” in Slackjaw. This is one of many pieces I was able to get out last year, and it’s been the best year for publishing yet. So I decided to think through what to do about that.

photo credit: Jess Bailey https://unsplash.com/photos/q10VITrVYUM

I started this blog over a decade ago. At the time I went from thinking I would never do a blog to starting one up just to see where it went. In the meantime, my writing grew outside this blog.

While this blog serves its purpose, I am now transitioning to writing less on this blog, and more in other places. But I still want this blog to remain, as it does provide a unique space for my writing.

And so I intend to keep writing. From now on, you’ll see posts from me, but instead of seeing them on a two-week basis, I will be posting only monthly.

There will be some exceptions, quick posts here and there, but you can expect mostly posts from me. So keep following.

In addition, follow me on Medium. Last year I expanded to Medium, where I write mostly satire and advice on writing.

It’s been a journey so far readers. Let’s see where it leads next!

Weird Al, The Christian

With a new satirical biopic now out, Weird Al is once again in our hearts and minds with his silly novelty music.

An American treasure since the 80’s, Alfred has taken a very specific brand of music making and created something we will always need in hard times—a laugh. I fell in love with his stuff in middle school, and it wasn’t long after that I learned something else special about Al. He’s a practicing Christian. Continue reading

Read My Latest Satire Posts

In the past couple weeks I’ve had a few satire pieces published online. Check them out!

Lyrics From Abandoned Weird Al Songs published in The Haven

The Inconsistencies in Plot, Character Development, and Basic Rules of Grammar in My Thirteen-Part Fantasy Series Can Be Explained By a Phenomenon Known as Purple Manna published in McSweeney’s

How To Get Limited Public Service Debt Relief in 60 Simple Steps” published in The Haven

Yes, I Like “Rings of Power”

Look, I get the criticism. The creators of Rings of Power are playing fast and loose with lore: Gandalf shouldn’t be here yet, Galadriel is in Numenor for some reason, the rings are supposed to take much longer to make, and dwarves are singing to rocks.

I get that the timeline is off.

And to some extent I even sort of understand a part of you being ever so slightly wanting to scratch your head at the technicality of an elf having a skin color other than “fair.” After all, even Tolkein had a gene of bigotry that loved an imaginary Nordic race above all. (But we’ll come back to that.) Of course, it’s just as much canon to assume that elves have pointy ears, as this is said nowhere in any Tolkien book. Continue reading

Enjoy the Latest Satire Posts

The past couple weeks have been prolific, particularly in satire.

Slackjaw published my piece, Jeff Bezos’s ‘Lord Of The Rings: The Rings Of Power’ Show Notes

And now that I’m a writer for Backyard Church, here’s my two latest articles there:

We’re A Church Who Loves the Idea of Racial Diversity

and

THE END TIMES ARE NEAR!

5 Funny Reads from Slackjaw This week

If you don’t follow Slackjaw on Medium, you really ought to. Endless short humor pieces to help you get through your day.

Everyone can read 5 articles a month for free on Medium’s giant library, but if you subscribe for only 5 dollars a month (imagine paying a dollar for each one of those free ones, then the rest are free—hey, it’s cheaper than the newspaper), you get unlimited access to any article from any publication on Medium.

So to convince you, here are 5 great humor pieces from this week alone from Slackjaw, the premiere humor publication on Medium:

  1. How To Have “The Talk” With Your Child About Weinerville by Caleb Coy
    Yes, that’s me. It’s mine. But hey, I’m real proud of it. And my brother is real proud of it. Sooner or later, you might have to talk to your child about getting weinerized.
  2. Quiz: Are You At A 90 Minute Hot Power Yoga Class, Or A Medieval Public Execution? by Luke Strathmann
    “Everyone’s dehydrated, and sometimes there are goats.”
  3. Real Friends Never Say “Good-Bye.” They Say “I Should Really Let You Go” And Then Keep Talking by Lily Hirsch
    “If I said “good-bye,” you’d basically assume I’m dying. And a real friend would never make you deal with death when no one has actually died.”
  4. Introducing The Tragedy Flag: The First Ever Flag Made To Stay At Half-Staff by Adam Dietz
    “With The Tragedy Flag, you’ll never have to mournfully lower your flag again! And you’ll never have to raise it again either, not that you ever get a chance to on account of the daily gun violence.”
  5. The Philosophy Major’s Guide To Small Talk by Alex Baia
    “Need help finding anything?”
    “Not unless I have free will.”