[The following poem was composed in 2005 in honor of the demolition of a historic building on the campus of Freed-Hardeman University, and was originally published in the school literary magazine.] Continue reading
College is starting back. Some of you will be going for the first time. You will meet new people. Some of you are going to a Christian college, one in the south, like I did. How well do you know your Christian College stereotypes? Based on the famous “99% of the People You Meet in College” article (from which I shamelessly plaigiarized), I give you a list of possible stereotypes you may encounter at a particularly Christian university in the south:
[This list is meant to make fun of stereotypes, so if you’re offended because you think one of these describes you, this blog may not be suitable for your consumption.]
When I graduated college for the first time I made a list of advice for people attending or graduating from Freedom Hardly Man. This advice could also apply to other Christian schools, and even any other university to a degree. After 5 years away, I dispense with this advice once again.
In Henderson, TN there exists a private Christian college called Freed-Hardeman that once a year engages in an extravagantly amateur school-pride-boosting “performance art” tradition called “Makin’ Music“. If that rings a bell for you, keep reading. If it does not, you probably won’t get the rest of this.
In this competitive musical extravaganza, 4-7 social clubs (the sober, co-ed alternative to frats and sororities) design a 7-minute musical number suited for small children, the elderly, tools, people with a permanently sunny disposition, and alumni who forget that they graduated to start a career and a family twelve years ago.
Oh, you’re going to win Makin’ Music this year? Condescending Wonka shares his thoughts:
The other night I had the privilege at eating at Texas Steakhouse, which is like Logan’s Roadhouse, which both have something in common with Five Guys and a Burger, which is my favorite of the three. That information isn’t important. Neither is it important that among the few lifespan-decreasing fast food chain restaurants I actually enjoy is Five Guys and a Burger. On two levels, the burgers and peanut-oil fries are to die for. I’m here to talk about the peanuts.