“My Week at the Full Armor Lectures” by Jeremy Marshall Day 3 (pt. 2)

“My Week at the Full Armor Lectures”
by Jeremy Marshall
Day 3 (pt. 2)

From day 3.2:
“After my talk with Beauregard Jones Tuesday morning, I decided to skip the pre-lunch lectures and go to the Memphis Zoo. It dawned on me that the Full Armor Lectureship—indeed, our entire fellowship—was its own menagerie, a stationary Noah’s ark whose inhabitants refused to leave, all blaming one another for the stench in there. We are not exotic breeds from faraway lands in the First United Primitive Christian Church, however. We are more like stubborn relics of the recent past, looking at the world through nauseatingly garish Technicolor lenses. We live on in the rubble of Modernism, proudly making no concessions to the rest of the world as it evolves without us, flinging our filth at each other. I felt quite at one that day with the animals in the zoo, for it came to me that I, too, had been bred in captivity.”

2013 Church Directory, Abridged

The Abridged 2013 Church of Christ Directory:

Barbed Gate Church of Christ

Welcome, is this your first time?  Would you like to be added to the church?  Just sign up for our six-month course and then we’ll have you fill out our ten-page doctrinal questionnare before we get you in the water just to make sure you’re being baptized for all the right reasons.

Billy Peebles Church of Christ

Brother Billy Peebles has been preaching for our congregation for thirty years.  Come and enjoy preaching by Billy Peebles.  If you have a question about our beliefs, just go ask Billy Peebles.  Visiting the sick, conducting Bible studies, representing our church—Billy Peebles does it all!  We hang on every word Billy Peebles says.  Billy Peebles is the place to be.

Bitter Springs (House) Church of Christ

We used to go to _________ Church of Christ, but they rubbed us the wrong way after years of faithful attendance.  We now meet at brother Manning’s house, and we’re still trying to figure out how to accomodate to every member’s perfect ideal image of what a church should be.

Box Springs Church of Christ

With the most prime location, Box Springs Church of Christ maketh you to lie down in your own private green pasture.  Close your eyes in prayer, and remain until the service ends.  After all, the day after the Sabbath is a day of rest, too.
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