The Abridged 2013 Church of Christ Directory:
Barbed Gate Church of Christ
Welcome, is this your first time? Would you like to be added to the church? Just sign up for our six-month course and then we’ll have you fill out our ten-page doctrinal questionnare before we get you in the water just to make sure you’re being baptized for all the right reasons.
Billy Peebles Church of Christ
Brother Billy Peebles has been preaching for our congregation for thirty years. Come and enjoy preaching by Billy Peebles. If you have a question about our beliefs, just go ask Billy Peebles. Visiting the sick, conducting Bible studies, representing our church—Billy Peebles does it all! We hang on every word Billy Peebles says. Billy Peebles is the place to be.
Bitter Springs (House) Church of Christ
We used to go to _________ Church of Christ, but they rubbed us the wrong way after years of faithful attendance. We now meet at brother Manning’s house, and we’re still trying to figure out how to accomodate to every member’s perfect ideal image of what a church should be.
Box Springs Church of Christ
With the most prime location, Box Springs Church of Christ maketh you to lie down in your own private green pasture. Close your eyes in prayer, and remain until the service ends. After all, the day after the Sabbath is a day of rest, too.
Corner of Smith & Wesson Church of Christ
The Bible and a Gun: Two things every American ought to have and use! Come to our “Bring Your Gun to Church” Day and celebrate your 2nd Amendment Right! Guns don’t kill people, persecutors do. Kill them back!
Dry Dock Church of Christ
We are currently tied up in an Elders/Deacons/Preachers committee meeting at the moment, and will get back with you as soon as we resolve whatever it is we are meeting about.
Empty Nest Church of Christ
You may notice that we have no one between the age of twenty and thirty-eight. Why is that? We know as a fact it’s becuase children don’t hear enough sermons on issues like women’s role in the church. So we have to press it harder on our children than we ever have before. More important than raking leaves, or prayer groups, or discussing their feelings about faith and all those other marginal things , if our children aren’t drilled with important matters like why we’re not Methodist, they’ll keep losing their faith by the age of 25.
Fort Formal Church of Christ
Direct your attention to the worship program. For Lord’s Supper Duty, make sure you wear the appropriate attire the Lord wants: buttoned shirt, tie, dress pants and sport-coat . Check that you are equal distance from the presider as the brother on the other side, and that your hands are locked either in the front or back.
Fuzzy Navel Church of Christ
Are you seeking? The most important thing is that YOU feel welcome. YOUR feelings matter the most to us. We save the hard biblical truths for those dusty books in our library/closet. We don’t profess arrogance, so we are willing to EMBRACE every point of view YOU may have. GRACE means catering to YOUR doubts . Here at Fuzzy Navel, if you’re comfortable with your choices, God is too.
Gold Mound Church of Christ
God has surely blessed us here at Gold Mound. And assuredly, all our members give their full ten percent to the church. Now, our vault only runs so deep, so we can’t just help you because you come and ask. After all, there are a lot of scammers out there! But if you’re a certified member who’s just lost a loved one or something, we’ll be glad to pitch in. You can’t be too careful.
Graves End Church of Christ
Please be respectfully somber as you enter. Please do not express joy during the Lord’s Supper, which is about the death of Christ. If his birth was important, he would have told us when he was born. If his resurrection was important, he would have told us when that was. The law is death, and since we want to live by the law we will come to the table as to a funeral.
Green Links Church of Christ
Greetings. Our preacher and elders are currently at the golf course. Try calling again tomorrow.
Hip Street Church of Christ
Hey fellow Jesus freaks! Clad your hands if Jesus is your homeboy! Here at Hip Street we got the glossiest, most stylish books to study up in class, paired with the freshest videos. If it’s a decade old, we don’t touch it. Glance at our glossy stock photo to see how diverse we are. We’ve got the newest, hottest stuff around.
Knitted Cloister Church of Christ
As our sign says, you are welcome at Knitted Cloister. We have assigned an usher to take care of greeting you and acknowledging your presence. Feel free to choose one of our six unofficial seating sections based on our fellowship cliques. Or sit off to the side with the other visitors. Make sure to fill out a card, so we know you were even here.
NON-INSTRUMENTAL! Main Street Church of Christ
Of the two congregations on Main Street who call themselves Churches of Christ, we are the NON-INSTRUMENTAL! one. The other one uses instruments, but we are the NON-INSTRUMENTAL! one. Our homepage offers a lengthy treatise on why we are the NON-INSTRUMENTAL! Church of Christ. When you walk in the door, we would like to point out that we have no instruments, as we are the NON-INSTRUMENTAL! Church of Christ. Thank you for coming out and SINGING with us at the NON-INSTRUMENTAL! Church of Christ on Main Street.
Partisan Pulpit Church of Christ
The Polling Pulpit Church of Christ is proud to be one of the freedom-loving churches in Christian America! We provide buttons and unbiased voting issue tracts at the door. Our preacher reminds us to stand for Republican values come election time. You’ll also hear sermons on the home, the church, and the civil government being the three institutions God set up in the beginning . Copies of the U.S. Constitution are stitched into the back of our pew Bibles. We stand for the only three values that really matter: Abortion, Homosexuality, and Prayer in schools. If you have trouble locating the cross on our roof, look behind the flag.
Shallow Brook Church of Christ
Shallow Brook is the nicest church around. We pride ourselves on how much we strain to show those pearly white teeth at you, and we let those show all the way to the car. Ask us how we’re doing and we’ll be sure to say “fine”. We are doing very well: we just added a new powerpoint machine and a new annex. Come on by. We won’t keep you too long, we know people have places to be. Have a nnnice, nnnice day.
Shibboleth Hill Church of Christ
Verily, mayest thou wit that we welcometh thee. We gathereth here by and by and give obeisance to the true English translation of the Bible, authorized by God in 1611 by the consecration of King James and his diadem . Here at Shibboleth Hill we mind our “Thee”s and “Thou”s, for to shew respect to God. If any abjects bethinkest themselves to do otherwise, let them be accursed, for they bewray thee, and we eschew them as we would the publican’s lucre. We pray to thee, Father, that that those who use thine authorized translation may never be abated. Beware liscentiousness. Propitiation is worth many a farthing. Seek ablution with a doused charger. God hath maketh unicorns and satyrs. A-men.
Six Flags Church of Christ
Our youth group trips are awesome! We go to amusement parks, we go to the zoo, we go to ski resorts, we go to Disney world, we go to the beach, we go play lazer tag—oh, don’t be mistaken. We squeeze in the occasional devo or service thingy. Like I mean on Spring Break we do some door-knocking.
East Split Hair Church of Christ
We used to be larger, but some folks chose to be divisive and left to form their own church at West Split Hair. We would sure like to reconcile, but we’re just waiting for those folks at West Split Hair to take the first step. Seems like they like it right where they are.
West Split Hair Church of Christ
We used to be larger, but some folks chose to be divisive and left to form their own church at East Split Hair. We would sure like to reconcile, but we’re just waiting for those folks at East Split Hair to take the first step. Seems like they like it right where they are.
Starbucks Church of Christ
Welcome! As you can see, we’ve installed a coffee bar in our foyer for your sipping pleasure. All proceeds go to either our ministry, building maintenance, or our barista staff.
Time Warp Church of Christ
Step into our church one Sunday and on the next you’ll be sure to catch the exact same service you missed last Sunday. Step into our church one Sunday and on the next you’ll be sure to catch the exact same service you missed last Sunday. Step into our church one Sunday and on the next you’ll be sure to catch the exact same service you missed last Sunday…
Vanilla Pond Church of Christ
All these other churches out there try to cater to people’s “needs.” One church is having a “songs only” service! Another is singing during the Lord’s Supper! They got something for everybody! Well, here at Vanilla Pond we understand that God has only one plain way of having us do things . There’s only one flavor, and that’s God’s flavor, and any other fruity flavor is an unfruitful work of darkness!
White Flight Church of Christ
We used to be located in the inner city, near to certain…demographics. But the gangs and drugs and area were just too much for us. We got the hades out of dodge! We moved to a more pleasant neighborhood where you don’t have all that…crime. We wanted our children to go to a finer school where you don’t have to deal with all the…riff raff. Our building is within a short drive of our gated community, one full of people who just look…nicer. Now we don’t have to worry about dealing with so many…problems. So come on out and join us at our new location!
Yonder Valley Corpus Christi: A Church of Christ
We are blessed to have seekers of truth come and be with us here. We are open to all sinners in need of repentance striving to be better saints. We admit that we are so often torn by struggles and doubts, but our faith has led us forward. We could preach ourselves, but honestly, there isn’t much of that to preach. So we preach Christ, because he’s all we have, and really all we need. We try to embody Him, and where we fail we ask that you look past us and see God through the cloudy lens that is our community of faith. Do please come be with us, and if you choose to stay, help make us stronger.