Dear FBI,

I’d like to recommend an acquaintance of mine, _____________________, to join your ranks at the FBI.

During the Ford/Kavanaugh hearings, the nation watched as multiple senators carried out a job interview/trial/congratulations ceremony/yearbook inspection. While both the accuser and accused gave powerful and convincing testimonies, the lack of corroborating evidence on the one hand and conspicuous beer consumption on the other created an inconclusive situation.

However, throughout the entire process, I was immensely impressed with how _____________________ handled themselves, 100% confident of who was lying and who was not. Only someone with secret knowledge of what happened could be so sure at this point. I told _____________________ to contact you with said information, but obviously the burden was too great for them to bear.

You need someone with such skills in your bureau. I highly recommend _____________________ to provide all the answers for you. They know everything already.

Sincerely,
Caleb Coy